Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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