I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
