I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
