Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
