And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
