There was a lot of him and a little penis
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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