just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
