haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
