Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
