Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
