bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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