Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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