Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
