Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
