you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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