dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
