and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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