i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just found puke in my bra..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
