Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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