I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I cut my penus on the lid.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
