Sponge bath it is.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
