There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As shirtless as possible
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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