the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
