I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize