I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
