well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
