somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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