my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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