Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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