I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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