Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
