I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
