I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
