I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize