nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
