i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
