Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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