Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
