She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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