I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
