I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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