I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
