I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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