I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
why is half of my head shaved?
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