she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
