got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize