That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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