I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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