You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
