she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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