so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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