k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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