I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize