I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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