so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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