Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize