Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
