Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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