The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
