Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
