I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
