theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
