I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
