if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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