if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
