I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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