don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
