yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
