Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize