We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
