Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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