don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
